Am I the wife I want my sons to marry?

Genesis 1:26 says that we were made in His image and with likeness. That means I am just like Him. Well at least I have the capability to be. 

Which leads me to my issue:

I look on Facebook, Instagram, VH1, BET, Bravo and sometimes in my own mirror and see so many women who have taken on the characteristics of the world. The world symbolizes a life that has no connection to our Heavenly Father. No longer are women patterning themselves after the Proverbs 31 woman. Too many are using shows like the Real Housewives  to determine the status they hold in their homes.....which is quite confusing to me because half of these women aren't even married and the ones that are have troubled marriages. At some point, these images have caused us to deter from His image. I just don't see where breakfast mimosas, Brazilian weave, Christian Louboutins, hideous lipcolor and stiletto nails is all it takes to make me a fabulous wife. Not saying that any of that is wrong, but what happened to a mothers' glory being her children? Instead of your #clubflow picture in my news feed, how about one of you and your daughter planting a garden in the yard....teaching her to cook.......a date with your son. It's really not cool seeing 30+ moms looking like 16 year old girls having pictures snapped of their rears. It's not sexy. It's trashy. I am very sure a hardworking, good man would agree. 

I always pray for my children's future mate. However, it's an old saying that you marry your parents. This really made me examine myself. Am I the woman I want Josh and Caleb to marry? Proverbs 31:10-31 gives a clear example of an excellent wife. 

10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. - SHE HAS VALUE

11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. - HE MAN CAN TRUST HER.

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. - SHE HELPS HER HUSBAND.

13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. - SHE IS PRODUCTIVE.

14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. - SHE HAS A HUSTLE, LOL.

15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. - SHE CAN COOK!!!!!

16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. - SHE KNOWS HOW TO SHOP SMART AND BE FRUGAL.

17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.- SHE IS IN IT FOR THE LONG HAUL. 

18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. - SHE KNOWS HER MAN WANT HER AND SHE IS AVAILABLE AT ALL TIMES, LOL!!!!!

19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. - SHE WORKS.

20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. - SHE IS NOT ALL ABOUT HERSELF!!!

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. - SHE IS PREPARED FOR HARD TIMES....INSURED AND READY.

22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. - SHE IS FASHIONABLE.

23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. - SHE MAKES HER HUSBAND LOOK GOOD WHEN HE OUT IN PUBLIC.

24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. - DID I SAY SHE WAS A HUSTLER?? SHE IS AN ASSET TO THE HOUSE, NOT JUST SPENDING EVERYTHING UP. SHE BRINGS SOMETHING TO THE TABLE.

25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. - SHE HAS EARNED RESPECT DESPITE HER HIDDEN PAST OR PAINS. GOD HAS COVERED THAT.

26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. - SHE KNOWS WHAT TO SAY, NOT TO SAY AND WHEN AND WHEN NOT TO SAY IT.

27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. - SHE HAS A GAME PLAN FOR HER FAMILY'S FUTURE AND IS NOT JUST SITTING AROUND DWINDLING HER THUMBS.

28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. - HER FAMILY DON'T SEE HER AS AN OLD NAGGING HOUSEWIFE.

So I say all of that to say this, our current images should reflect Him and not the latest trend on TV. James 1:23-25 equates God's word to a mirror. He laid it out clear for us in Proverbs 31. Am I that woman? Am I even close? Just like I glance in the mirror and fix what needs adjusting, ask your yourselves and adjust accordingly. 

So long for now readers..........

The Child that needs the Most Love Demands for it in the Most Unloving Ways.

My children are on my heart today......where they usually are. However, these last few weeks, I've been trying hard to love harder and express it stronger. I asked God to show me each day what I need to do so that my family know I love them. I made my children take the Five Love Language Test by Gary Chapman a year or so ago. I made them take it again recently and the results were different. I found that I was speaking to them in a love language that they were no longer fluent in.The five love languages are touch, time, words, gifts and service. I thought I knew each of their love languages. However, children are continuously developing and are not as "set in stone" as us adults are. I challenge every parent to take the Five Love Languages Test and give it to their kids and spouse. It's been amazing for my marriage and family. You can take the test at http://www.5lovelanguages.com/.

Nonetheless, our children need love. They have to have it to be sustained in such a cold world. You may be wondering why your child is acting out. You may wonder why your child is always interrupting your adult conversations. Our children are crying for love. Not the kind we think they need or the kind that's convenient for us to give. They are in desperate need of the kind of love that caters to their mind, body and spirit. The Bible says that love conquerors all. Thus love defeats and acquires control of ALL......everything. Our children our suffering from low confidence, no self-esteem, shyness, boredom, poor social skills and much more. Although these seem minor but they lead to the major.....whoredom, drugs, violence, gang-relations, suicide, etc. Your child is ten years old and doesn't like to talk. That's not normal! We can't keep dismissing our son or daughter as "just being that way"....."that's just who they are". That's NOT who they are. Even a baby comes out making a declaration. The human's natural inclination is to be social. When a child is not, something is wrong. As a parent, it is our duty to get to the bottom of it. Your child may be one who constantly yell at or bully others. Your child needs love. We give more attention to the work project or our positions in church than we do to intentional love to our children. Love starts at home and only then can it spread abroad. I can keep going but I digress. 

Join this love walk with me. Play your part. Love harder and deeper. Give your best...not your leftovers. 

Why it is better to BUILD BOYS, than to MEND MEN.... What happends when the Dependant man becomes Independant

As a followup to my last note, I must address the issue of dependant brothers.

Webster's Dictionary defines dependant as one who relies on another for support. The listed variant of the word dependancy is habituation. I have no intentions of insulting your intelligence but I must go further into the wordage. We all know that habituation means to accustom or frequent a person, situation, place, etc. Can you say HABITATE, better yet, LIVE? Wow, a lot in so little. This, I must say, is why the Bible says that it is the small foxes that destroy the vine.

All men gain their existence from a woman. It is very rare for a man not to have a relationship with his mother or a female who nurtures him. He usually gains his definition of love from this female. And this is all fine and dandy because I am sure this was God's intention. Adam loved God first but loved Eve second. I find it funny that God didn't make another man to accomodate Adam's loneliness. He made a woman because she has amazing nurturing, loving, caring and healing skills. I still find it a bit confusing at times because God said that it was not good for man to be alone. Because technically, He wasn't alone. He had God and all of the animals. LOL But whatever the case, God made Eve and gave Adam his FIRST gift. I do believe that this was His reward for doing what God had instructed him to do prior - - which was to tend to the Garden, name the animals, etc. Man went to work - - Man got paid. As stated in the previous note - God didn't make Eve until after EVERYTHING was prepared for her. Eve was God's gift of love. Adam had to have someone to show him how to reciprocate his love for God to others. This is why, it is usually Mama who teaches the child to love God.

All that leads me into my subject: What happens when the boy never turns into a man? It causes a shaking in roles. This mostly occurs because "Mama" wouldn't let "baby" grow up. To explain, "baby" comes and "baby" has to have EVERYTHING "baby" wants no matter if "baby" deserves it or not. "

Baby" is too good for this, that, them, or her.

Even when "baby" doesn't work, it's okay because Mama will still foot the bill (even when Daddy says No).

Now here comes somebody blaming that mess on "baby" - - it's okay again because Mama will get "baby" out.

Now "baby" is grown married and has fathered babies and still depending on Mama because no matter how old he gets - - He's still Mama's "baby".

So what happens now? A man has never gotten the opportunity to become independant and now is living physically grown, doing grown folk things with a "baby" mentality. Now because "baby" has a good job, nice car and home, he's a sure pick for the woman looking for a husband. But wow, she didn't know - - "Baby" got that job because the boss is Mama's friend and the car/home is in Mama's name. So as soon as things get shaky in the marriage, Mama steps in because she is the Head of the Household. Now even if the wife never finds out, Mama is always working behind the scenes. She's making all of the decisions. WHICH GOD NEVER INTENDED FOR WOMEN TO BE THE HEAD OF THE HOUSE!!! Now on the flip side, some "babies" are so bosomly bound (lol) they NEVER leave home until they find another FEMALE to take Mama's place. ALL OF THIS FORCING WOMEN TO BECOME INDEPENDANT. Chain reaction/Dominino Effect

Earlier, I said that it was the small foxes that destroyed the vine. The vine produce fruit. The woman produce offspring. It's something that seems so small as letting go or letting your son grow up that can kill a generation of POWERFUL MEN. Because who knows, your son may become a doctor, pastor, lawyer, etc. However, as long as you are his prime decision maker - - we'll never know. I'm not saying not to help your child, but do it all in prayer. Ask God if you are not sure. In my last post, I stated that Men were built and women were fashioned. As I was typing this today, God said I expect men to build and women to fashion what I built.

Toodles and join me next time.

So you wanna be an Independant Woman?

I just had to step to the stage after my girl Nicole Butts-Ross opened up the floor this morning with her address to women who work so dad can be a "stay-at-home" worker. A brave subject but homegirl was on it.

A few months ago, I was at the gas station with Lil Boosie's Song INDEPENDANT WOMAN came on the radio of the neighboring car. I immedaitely remembered when I wasn't saved how I'd ride around blasting this song with my girls. The song talked about how "she" had her own house, her own car, big bank account, big screen tv, and didn't need nothing from a man. And I know you all remember Destiny's Child independant woman anthem. I so strived to be this woman. Got so uppity and conceited that I didn't need no man. Of course, hurt pushed me this level too.

Long story short, after hearing the song, God began to tug at my heart. God intended for women to be DEPENDANT. The Bible says that we were not even "fashioned" until after EVERYTHING in the Garden was complete. Everything was prepared for woman BEFORE she even got here. For this reason, real women cannot stand to be in an unprepared place, situation, or relationship. In Genesis, take note that God formed man but fashioned woman. If we think about those two words, we automatically think about the detailing that goes in fashioning something. In forming, one just holds his hands to bend and mold it. So much more went into the woman's creation. God wanted EVERYTHING just right for her.The world is pushing towards this era of female independancy. But we are suppose to be in the world but not of the world. But are we really?

Independancy forces women to become head of household which God never intended. God's intention was that the woman always remained covered - either by her husband or her dad/eldest brother until she was married. Now what I'm about to say is going to sound weird but it's true. We can sometimes become so independant that we began to fall in spiritual homosexuality. Wait, before you stop reading. The Bible defines homosexuality as one who loves themselves. Most independant women are real snooty and only associate wth others JUST LIKE THEM. They don't need God or anybody else. Nothing pleases them but themselves or the works of their own hands. We stop spending so much time with God, or at least not as much as we did when we didn't have our own car, job, house, etc.

So all that is to say - WOMAN POSITION YOURSELVES ACCORDINGLY. Whether you have a husband or not, be dependant. I'm not saying not to work or do better for yourselves. However, get out of the mentality that you don't need a man. We do. God intended for the man to provide and give woman what she needed. I do understand that these days not all men are stepping up to the plate....

So join me later as I talk about the DEPENDANT BROTHER.

Thy Word is a Lamp

But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God. Matthew 4:4

The best time to meditate on the Word of God is in the morning. We need to start our day with the Word. We need to read the Word before reading the newspaper. When we read the Word, God gets our mind straight for the day, regardless of the pressure that comes. In other words, the Word of God is our breakfast! Then, whatever we face the rest of the day, we'll be able to handle it in the context of the Word.

Parents, you need to teach your children that the first thing they do is acknowledge God when they get up in the morning. Teach them to say, "God, thank you that you're the one that woke me up this morning. Thank you that your Word says that I'm blessed regardless of what I come up against. Whatever comes against me won't prosper. I'm healed. Jesus defeated the enemy, and God the Father gave His authority to me." If you teach your children to read the Word and pray in the morning, they'll grow up with a habit of putting God first and not last. One of the reasons we don't pray until we are in a crisis situation is because as a child we were taught to pray only when we were in trouble.

Too many of us today try everything else then say, "Well, I tried everything I know to do, so I might as well pray." No! Come to God first. If all we have is the world's system in our mind, eventually we will run into a situation that the world's system can't get us out of. Thank God that we operate in a system higher than this world's system!

A Purposeful Life

Today, I have been prayerful about the impact that I will leave on my family and friends. You know how sometimes you just wonder if your life is impactful.....are you walking out His purpose for your life properly? Well, in prayer, my mind rolled to Esther. Why? I don't know. But I decided to go read the story again.

I noticed something. Esther 2:8 says that Esther was also taken. TAKEN. She didn't go on her on. She was either coerced or forced. Otherwise, it would have said, "she went". I believe there had to be some reluctance on her part. Most times we have to be coerced or forced into our own purposes. I believe if I was to do a survey, most people, walking in purpose, would say that they initially fought against a purposeful life.

I mean, really? Who would voluntarily leave the only family they know for a whole year....to spend one night with a heathen king? No one. I'm sure the town had rumors about what he had done to Queen Vashti. So no one, in their right mind, would COMPETE to be with a king like that. A king that says, "I don't want to get to know her. I don't want to date her. I may not want to marry her. I just want her to show up at night and leave in the morning. I don't want to call or text her. If I want to see her again, I'll let her know".  On a side note, there are so many broken women competing for that kind of man currently.

The women in Esther didn't ask to compete for the king. The Bible said there were officers assigned to gather all the "fair" young women. I have so many problems with this. Fair is another term for pretty. So these women were taken in because of how they looked? But when they got there, they are told they had to go through a year of "beauty treatments". So they still weren't good enough!! Yet, it took all of that for Esther to become queen and save her people.

The Bible says that God knows the plans He has for us. It also says that He directs the steps of the godly and delights in every detail of our lives. So even when it would seem that you have to walk through a process of coercion, rejection, mistreatment or anything else, stand firm and know that His plans are not our plans. You may not understand why He takes us through the seemingly long routes, but He said to lean not on your own understanding, acknowledge Him and He'll direct your path. You are chosen today!! You are a part of a royal lineage!! Walk in purpose!! Walk in peace!!

His Eye Is on the Sparrow

For a couple of weeks, I have had a weird interest in sparrows because of how the scripture has variously referred to us as sparrows, particularly Matthew 10:31. It states that my value is worth more than sparrows. Why would God refer to me as a sparrow?

For the last two weeks, I have bird watched and found myself listening to their sounds. Don't judge me, lol. This morning, I took to Google to start researching sparrows. I found some interesting facts in my observations. First and foremost, I have been around sparrows my ENTIRE life and I have rarely given them much attention. I only noticed them if they invaded my space. I never noticed how frequently they fly in my close surroundings or how beautiful they sing in the mornings. I'm sure you can attest to how unseen and unvalued sparrows are to your daily life. Yet God sees sparrows. And I come to tell you, He see you. No matter how unseen, undervalued, unloved, forgotten, looked over or displaced you feel, God sees you and loves you. Many of you that know me personally, know that I use to kill "His Eye is On the Sparrow" in many churches growing up. There main chorus of that song said "His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me". I sang that song passionately because I understood that God watched over me. However, this week, I have a new found passion for those wonderful lyrics. 

One thing in particular, that stood out to me, in my research was the sparrow's singing. The male sparrow uses his song to attract a mate. Laboratory studies have shown that the female sparrow is attracted not just to the song itself, but to how well it reflects the ability of the male to learn. Males that used more learned components in their songs and that better matched their song tutors (the adult bird they learned their songs from) were preferred. In other words, a bird that could learn and obtain the attributes of its teacher was preferred. This floored me!! A bird has enough sense to prefer a male that is connected to its leader!! To me this meant a male that's connected to God and submitted to a leader is preferred choice. Why can't we get it? That's soooooo not what this post is about but I just had to share that interesting fact.

Nevertheless, whenever I see a sparrow from now on, it'll be God saying to me - "Look at me, child. You are beautiful and wanted". So today I say to you, reading this, I don't know you're name, but God does. And today He saying, "Look at me child. You are beautiful and you are wanted".